I never make New Year’s resolutions.
It seems redundant. I make resolutions every day of the year. My wife says I better. So what do I resolve? Well, there are lot of things, so pay attention, guys, and maybe you will learn something.
First, I constantly resolve to pay more attention to my wife and maybe spend a little time with her. That doesn’t mean just taking her to the movies, out to dinner or to a Dodgers game. It means talking to her, sitting by and watching her television shows with her without falling asleep.
I always cook and do the dishes. However, I need to resolve to get the pots and pans actually clean, rather than just wiping them and throwing them into the cabinet. I resolve not to destroy the kitchen when I cook. (I can be a one-man disaster.)
When we go out with friends, I resolve to try to temper my big mouth and remember that somebody else might like to get a word in edgewise or any wise. When company comes over and the Lakers are playing, I resolve not to hide out in my room. I also resolve not to talk politics.
I resolve to keep my mouth shut when my wife is driving. My little hints about how to drive and where to go do not earn me a lot of brownie points.
I resolve to wear clean shirts and pants when I go out. A spot on my shirt, grease on my trousers, a straying zipper or mud on my shoes don’t exactly enhance my chances to be Husband of the Month.
I also resolve to remember that there is someone else — a big someone else — in the house who might want to watch something on television besides a Lakers game, Dodgers game, a Notre Dame game or a cowboy movie.
I resolve to put on a bib when we eat out. I resolve not to wander out of my lane while driving. I resolve not to let rubber bands or ties from the newspapers lie around the house. I resolve to shut every door of the cupboard in the kitchen. Why this is a big deal escapes me.
Well, I resolve to listen to my son when he talks about handling my business. I have a habit of letting it go in one ear and out the other. When he comes to visit, I also resolve to keep all the doors closed in the house so the dogs do not escape. I resolve to remember the computer stuff he tells me for the zillionth time.
I resolve not to ask my grandson for the 50th time if he wants to play some hoops. I resolve to keep my mouth shut when he is batting and knock off all my little suggestions. I resolve to refrain from giving him books and books and more books, and asking for a report. (Well, I might not stick to this one.)
I resolve not to stomp my feet and whine when my 7-year-old granddaughter beats me at a matching game. I resolve not to keep begging my grandchildren to play with me when they might prefer the company of someone, oh, maybe like 70 years younger. I resolve not to brag about my children, grandchildren and the new cute little Golden Retriever puppy. (Hmm. Not too sure about this one, either.)
Anyway, you get the idea. You have to hang in there around the clock, not just for the new year. Good luck.
Don Lechman is a former Daily Breeze reporter, editor, critic and columnist. You can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.